With the hit TV series Lost now over, pundits are pondering many things. Is Ben good or evil? Who build that four-toed statue? And what’s up with Oceanic Airlines? Well, you might say, it crashed. Hence six seasons of Lost. But a closer look shows that this was hardly the first time an Oceanic flight has had ill luck. In fact, Oceanic has been a trusted brand name for disaster since the ’90s. Let’s take a few examples.
1. Kurt Russell + Oceanic Plane = Double the Doomed
If you find yourself on a plane with Kurt Russell, chances are, someone’s either going to hijack it, or already has. The 1996 film Executive Decision has Russell racing against time to save a plane that has been taken over by minions of the world’s most powerful terrorist; firefights, high-intensity chase scenes, and a bunch of senseless deaths ensue. The plane? Oceanic Airlines Flight 343. I don’t think we can blame this one entirely on Kurt.
Terrorists who are going to lose eventually
2. Nerve Gas Makes You Cry
Bombs. They happen to the best of planes. But nerve gas? Only on Oceanic.
In 2000′s Nowhere to Land, Oceanic Airlines Flight 762 from Sydney to LAX is carrying a biochemical weapon programmed to blow an hour before landing and unleash the aforementioned nerve toxin upon 300 passengers and anyone else nearby. Mass destruction, vindictive madmen, and the FBI. All in all, no e-ticket.
Wait a second…this is just a nerve whoopie cushion!
Yes, you should be afraid of thunder; it’s usually followed by a massive electric shock–as in the 2004 miniseries Category 6 – Day of Destruction, when Oceanic Airlines Flight 760 is struck by lightning. Considering what they say about lightning hitting the same place twice…or three times…or…well, you get the idea.
Oh, yeah. There’s also a tornado. Figures.
4 Magical Storms. ‘Nuff Said.
Here’s a case for the files: In the online roleplaying game Champions Online, Oceanic Airlines Flight 408 is apparently brought down by magical storm over Canada. Tragic, yes. But at least they got their money’s worth–what are the odds you get to die in a freak magic accident? Over Canada?
Probably a Canadian.
5 Death by Association
Apparently, you don’t even have to get on the plane to have terrible things happen to you. In a 2008 episode of Fringe, it turns out that a man recently deceased due to mysterious causes was in possession of a ticket on Oceanic Air. So don’t even click that “purchase” button. It’s just not worth the hassle of being dead–and anyway, the paranormal investigators have better things to do with their time. Like strip to their skivvies in parallel universes.
This is where your tax dollars go.
6 Bonus Reason: Robots
When you have to ask evil giant robots for help, you’re already in a poopload of trouble. An episode of the cartoon series Transformers: Cybertron showed the Decepticon Thundercracker scanning a fighter jet that identifies itself as–you guessed it–”Oceanic Flight 815″ and calls ground control for aid. The magical storm is starting to look pretty good, isn’t it? On the bright side, maybe your plane’s not going down–it’s just turning into an gigantic mechanical alien.
Not what you want to see from your window seat.
Sure, there’s obviously an alternate universe somewhere where Oceanic Airlines has a “perfect safety record,” as per the ads in ABC’s marketing campaign for Lost. If you live in that universe, bully for you. But if you don’t, we highly recommend that you stick with Lufthansa.